The 12th letter of the Hebrew alphabet is Lamed; in the Hermetic Kabbalah, its meaning is: ox goad.
“Though one may get to fear the sight of it, a properly kept magical record is the surest guarantor of success… it is both a work of reference with which to evaluate progress and, most significantly, a goad to further effort.” Peter J Carroll - Liber Null
I've been kidding myself that daily (mostly, mostly daily) scribbles in a journal and occasional, often rambling posts here amounts to any sort of actual magical record.
I've certainly got a body of work behind me at this point (I recently boasted that I had done more magic in the last year than I had in the previous thirty, and it was likely a true boast), but what have I got to show for it outside of some incense recipies and social media posts? Ok, if we're being honest here you can add to that meager score some heartbreak due to arrogance and the misapplication of force. But in the end, we're not left with a lot. In fact, one of the best bits I have of my magical record could almost be considered penannce for a year's worth of squandered opportunity and attempting to force too much in energy into fragile structures that couldn't contain it.
I'm missing the reflection and integration pieces of all the reading. I know I've done stuff, but I don't know what I've done, exactly, nor how much of it has worked (or worked the way I planned).
This all needs to change. How, exactly, I'm not sure. Some combination of those daily (mosly, mostly daily) journal scribblings, with a more defined schedule of public writing and private writing (some of that private writing is availabe here, if you create a login and ask nicely) and better correlation/tabulation of workings and post ritual examination. I am still troubled by that public/private line. I need to find it.
Doing what I ought instead of doing what's easy, that's always the struggle. I'm going to find a way through that struggle, finally.
Inimicus Dei Constituitur