So, in thinking about this, a few other things have occured to me.

Dreams have been infrequent messengers, but since I was a child, they have loomed large when they have been. To this day, dream work calls to me and it seems to be challenging pursuit. I have experienced at least three lucid dreams, two of which involved flying and only one of which involved the ingestion of psilocibin before hand. Blessed Be Hermes Oneiropompos.


I feel compelled to mention one dream that occurred when I was very young, perhaps 5 or 6, after my birthday party. It oddly presaged many things about my sexuality that I simply have always felt were horribly out of place for a child of that age. But perhaps that is just some left over prudishness that I need to shed still.

Dreams have shaped my life in many ways. Blessed Be Hermes Oneiropompos.

I have been of the "fake it until you make it" school for as long as I can remember. I started meditating as a tween with no absolutely no clue what I was doing. It took a while, but I think I have the hang of it now.

I knew that I was gay from a very young age, call it tween. I didn't really understand it. As puberty came along (I hit it pretty early), I did realize that I was not like my peer group and this bothered me. I attempted to change, via meditation and early attemps at self-hypnosis. That didn't work, wasn't going to work. And though I may wish, now, that I had not attempted to do those things to myself as it likely did some harm, I did learn some things along the way. And it did lead to an odd occurence that I failed to mention in part 1.

When I was in high school I achieved an out of body experience via the meditation/self hypnosis methods I had taught myself. It was short lived, alas; and some thirty years on, I have still not managed to replicate it.

I wonder if my sojourn down the rabbit hole of psychedlics, which began shortly thereafter, has hindered me in that regard? But I wouldn't change much of that journey anyway. I wish, however, that I had had a guide, as that might have made a difference.


Inimicus Dei Constituitur